Circ. 1,000,000,000
|
March 2006
|
25 cents
|
PRINCESS
WINS BLUE RIBBON!
AP. Princess Monica (left) with friend Alexus as HRH graces
Traditional Equitation School by accepting prestigious
award at private ceremony. |
Los
Angeles, California.- Amidst much anticipation, HRH
Princess Monica, of the famous Moreno Family takes top honors
in the world's most elite equestrian competition. Princess
Monica, in a move uncharacteristic of her humble but perfect
nature, agreed to allow cameras to document
her day at the event. The show, which is currently in
production, is being highly fought over by all major media
outlets and is expected to become the highest grossing televised
event in history. As her personal historians, the staff
of The New Bun Times were priviledged to accompany Princess
Monica during the competition for this report. As usual,
security for the event required that misleading information,
in the form of different dates, be given in order to control
crowds eager to view the Princess. Much to the dissapointment
of thousands, only the first 25,000 admirers were allowed
to enter the competition fields. Princess Monica wishes
to thank everyone who attended and promises to continue
to compete, much to the dismay of other riders who contend
that she is unbeatable, but who would nonetheless attend
even if for the chance to be in the same arena as the Princess.
 Princess
Monica has been an avid rider since the early age of five,
when her prowess at equestrian sports became highly evident.
Horses continued to fight over the privilege of teaming
up with the Princess and in this instance, Colorado was
the chosen one. Interviewed for this article, the poor equine
was visibly shaken and could only muster a simple "neigh!"
when asked if he ever thought such an honor would be bestowed
upon him. Many new job offers have opened up for the lucky
horse upon the Princess' impressive win.
Princess Monica's journal of the day is being made available
to her loyal fans
here. Please note details on her upcoming competition
calendar and plan your attendance early on.
|
Princess
Victoria Turns 16!!
 Los
Angeles, Ca.-
On Februay 6, HRH Princess Victoria, celebrated her 16th birthday
at the prestigious and extremely exclusive Acapulco Restaurant
on Sunset. Princess Victoria was presented with a small token
to celebrate the occassion in the form of a brand spanking
new Mini Cooper. Princess Victoria is avidly completing all
the requirements to get her official driver's license. Department
of Motor Vehicles staff are rumored to be revamping facilities
to provide the Royal with a pleasant photo shoot for the much
anticipated license photograph. Security is expected to be
extremely tight given the past popularity of Princess Vicki's
photographs. "I'm not sure we're allowed in there but
we may wait in the car if we go" assured us Scooter Moreno,
head of Princesses' security detail, "we may disguisse
ourselves as seeing eye-dogs or stuffed into Vicki's robe
as we do at home, if she decides to wear that on that day"
Mr. Scooter continued. "I can chase squirrels" added
Roscoe Moreno.
|
HRH
the Queen Mum performs for US
Congress
 Washington,
D.C. - In
an absolute show of grace, HRH Queen Ana agreed to perform
for members of the U.S. Congress as part of a show through
the Adam
Basma Dance Company at the Ronald Reagan Convention
Center in Washington, D.C. HRH
also agreed to perform the vintage Arabic styles for
her loyal admirers at venues throughout the U.S. including
UCLA's Royce Hall and The Hollywood Paladium in Southern
California.
 In
a related story, The Queen Mum has also graced the covers
of several CDs, the latest of which is pictured in this
story (in blue upper left corner).
The latest news from the Adam Basma Dance Company are
filled with rumors that the Royal has been asked to
perform at the annual Chicago venue this summer. While
details on this are still being worked out, it is known
that casting has begun for the show and that the Queen
has a guaranteed spot. Look for details on this in upcoming
issues.
|
Rumors
Persist On "Mrs. Moreno" True Identity
 Los
Angeles, Ca.-
Speculation with regards to whether famed teacher Mrs.
Moreno is HRH Queen Ana 's alter ego continues to surface
incesantly. While Mrs. Moreno denies the allegations,
several investigative reports have shown some startling
similarities. Both of increadible beauty and wit, are
known to favor the company of small brown canines. Both
Princesses Monica and Victoria acknowledge being extremely
fond of Mrs. Moreno, and it has been found that Mrs. Moreno
holds special access to the Royal Mansions. Conincidence?
Incidentally, Mrs. Moreno's class will be featured on
an upcoming PBS show.
|
|
In
other news:
· NBT historians are hard at work digitazing
previous versions of the world famous New Bun Times. Demand
for the original hard copies of the famed newspaper have been
pouring into the NBT offices to the highest degree imaginable.
Look to this publication for more information soon.
· In very sad news,
we must report that the Princesses' security staff suffered a
terrible loss when head of security Hobbes passed away of cancer.
Sadly, this was augmented by the untimely death of his assistant
Calvin. They provided the Family many years of security, lawsuits,
and for equally as many nights chasing dogs in the rain.
Scooter
Moreno, new Head of Royal Security. Picture from academy
records |
They
will be greatly missed.
·In
related news, Mr. Scooter Hercules Moreno has assumed command
of the Princesses' personal security detail. Scooter has implemented
changes to monitor not only the exterior grounds, but personally
patrols the indoor castle himself. He is known to take spots under
the sun and visualize security activities for 4-6 hours daily.
Rainy day schedule usually increases visualization by 2-3 hours
and is usually conducted in the Queen's quarters. Assisting Scooter
in security duties are Roscoe (Chicken and Waffles) Moreno, and
Sparky Moreno, who served under Hobbes leadership and maintains
alfa female duties.
 ·
Roscoe Moreno is awarded highest honor to dogs.
By receiving the highly coveted Royal Guardian title, Roscoe becomes
only the fourth dog in history to be granted the honor of membership
to the Princesses' security detail. Mr. Roscoe is in charge of
digging holes in the yard looking for possible dangers. None has
been found to date. Mr. Roscoe's credentials include tree climbing,
under-fence escape, and bird hunting amongst others. In his most
recent adventure, Mr. Roscoe voluntarily dispossed of rat poison
intended for a family of field mice that had accidentally travelled
in a recently acquired vehicle. This act of selflessness landed
Mr. Roscoe in an emergency veterinary hospital overnight. "All
in a days work" were his words. |
|